Time flies away too quickly sometimes, and sometimes it is just not enough. For me it is never quite enough,if I could I would stretch out the days until calling them ‘days’ would seem irrational.
Now, standing here, about to go to my once-in-a-life-time quest, which is called ‘Erasmus’, I’m terrified. an would to anything to squeeze out some more time. As an introvert, the little voice in my head is louder than ever, calling me out and blowing my ‘I’m calm’ cover. How can I ever do ‘Erasmus’? I don’t know how to party, smoke cigars, drink alcohol, or even how to dance…
All we ever did in high school was to ‘attend’ formal dances or just sit and drink, there were some parties, some seriously epic parties but they were for the in crowd only and I was not one of the cool kids. I was that strange, serious girl who only had few geek friends; a some-what pretty girl with a large stick up to her b*tt. So large you could have sensed it from a mile.
In college nothing changed, I was still the same girl with different but still uptight friends who were not allowed to go to the restroom without even informing someone. The one difference was the fact that I wanted to do all the things I couldn’t do the last semester as a high-school senior and I realized quickly that it was impossible, somethings are only meant to be performed during specific times; like walking (a baby can’t learn to walk after it is older than 4 or 5 years, because they learn about fear).
High-school was the 101 to social life and without that class you couldn’t just dive in to the ‘professional partiers’ club easily. It took a lot of effort but finally in my 2nd year I did went to a party and ended up falling in love with someone I just met and petting my not-s0-good friend’s arm in the food line. Perfect.
Believe me, I drank before and I don’t get drunk with just 3 drinks, although that night I kinda did. That night I really did let go and had fun, but now I am embarrassed. I do not like not being able to control my body and mind.
So ‘Erasmus’, I heard it is the best time of your life and you should celebrate it, but I don’t know, I’m just scared and I don’t want to be the girl who stands out there. Although I can’t help it, I can’t swing with the wind, I’ll break, I’m that hard as a tree.
Even if what happens there don’t break me, I will do that to my self pretty successfully. No matter what happens though I wanna be there for it good and the bad, nonetheless it it experience.
Marissa ‘Riss’ Demi