The River

Is it possible to be jealous of someone who no longer resides in this world? Is it normal to feel it, guessing she wouldn’t love you as much as she would love your cousin, when actually your cousin was the one who she waited for and wanted to see?

I never knew my aunt, she died long before I was born, or before I wasn’t even a thought in my mothers mind, or let’s just say before my parents even met.

She was by all means an angel according to everyone who were lucky to get to know her.My mom and my aunt didn’t have the best relationship, although she was very close with my great-aunt, so her children -my aunt’s cousins- were close to.

Legend has it (it is the truth btw), she asked my uncle (mom’s cousin) and his wife when she would have a nephew or a niece frequently.

When my cousin was born, they took her to my aunt’s grave and they still visit her every year.

We never visited her, it’s complicated, our family businesses.

And mom doesn’t like visiting the graveyards. Who does? She doesn’t believe that it matters for the departed since they are already gone.

My jealousy, it is just… The way they talk about her…

I’m an only child, I don’t like to share and in this situation, I don’t even have her to share. My cousin does.

Aunt, if you can hear me, I am sorry, I know I am troubled and  I know I am selfish. I would have loved you, I love you. You would have loved both of us very much and maybe I wouldn’t have felt so lonely in this family in the summers.

Rest in peace,

Marissa ‘Riss’ Demi



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