My ‘Marked’ Hands

Having a physical default and being constantly reminded of it sucks.
Don’t get me wrong, the default I have is not even serious; it is just eczema in the form red, hard, crusty skin. And I have zits, like most teenagers.

Although I am no longer in puberty.

When I was a teen I never had the zit problem, this year my face feels like a mine field (exaggeration mode is on).

Anyways, my mom is always inspecting my face, coming closer and closer with wider eyes. Concerning my hands, she always tries to hold them to feel the intensity of the eczema. It is fine that she is concerned, it’s natural. She is my mom after all.

But I am OK with my face; I accepted the fact that I HAVE zits.

She couldn’t.

My hands are the real deal, she gives me advice and makes me use all those different oils.

THEY DONT WORK.

Mom, just let me do whatever I want, those are my hands; my problem, my responsibility.

I have a thing, whenever someone  (mom) criticizes me on something that I am confident about ,I get itchy. because my ‘anger expression’ is damaged.

My hands feel horrible when I touch them and the things I feel inside can not be described truly with words. Basically, it is feeling ashamed to hand shake, or not wanting to hold out your hand to greet or to pay someone, it is thinking that you won’t find a boyfriend or a girlfriend, hence then you would have to engage in physical contact.

It wasn’t always like that, before she made it a problem, I was fine with them.

Knowing the deformities other people have, which is more visible and harder to cure, I can’t even imagine the burden.

I also know that in my age looks feel like the most important thing, although of course its not. It is an exam or a pop quiz in real life, we have to solve. No matter how sh*tty we feel, there are lots of other things to like about ourselves.

Weird coming from me; but loving yourself is seriously the key to feeling better.

Letting other people’s words get to you, will only make you sad. But remember; it only makes them look stupid.

Marissa ‘Riss’ Demi

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