Stand By Button of my life: Middle School

LOSER!

This is the only word -well, not literally the only one- that pops into my head when I think about it, although to be fair, those hell-like years made me who I am today.
Let’s just say I am seriously not sure if this is a good thing.

Look at the facts;
I’m selfish, hate-driven, obnoxious, furious; basically a raging low profile bitch (in my own right of course)- Even my mother said so, once.
If I was the Ottoman Empire, this time of my life would be the ‘Period of Stagnation’ and what followed would be the ‘Tulip Period’: high school.
(You see, I’m a history nerd)

Personally, I do not believe in labels anymore, it limits you as a person; you instantly become a two dimensional being rather an a proper human being. but as a middle-schoolar who thought world would end if there were no labels, I knew I was a loser.
‘Knowing your weaknesses and owning them makes you unbreakable’ or something like that according you our beloved dwarf Tyrion (Game of Thrones), in my case it only made my situation more pathetic. If I didn’t even believe in my self then who would?

No f**king one
Including me of course.

Even today, almost 6 years later, I find it hard to believe in myself. I let myself down so many times that getting back up became a routine job. Although maybe my every fall was deeper than my comebacks, so I never climbed all the way up and improved. ‘No more!’ I should say, see, I don’t believe it that’s why I won’t say it, unless I mean it.

Those loud kids with huge personalities, I envy them or you.
Don’t get me wrong, I like myself, I just think I can be better. Like ‘Ubermansch’ by Nietzsche (ugh, philosophy), I could have been UberRiss by now.

Marissa ‘Riss’ Demi

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